PITTSBURGH - Lucky, a popular leprechaun who has spent his entire life extolling the virtues of frosted Lucky Charms, a breakfast cereal he insists is "magically delicious," was brutally beaten and left for dead by unknown assailants this morning. Witnesses found his limp, broken, bloody body in a pile of pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers on the corner of Formosa Way in Homewood. The area is known for numerous leprechaun sightings and leprechaun related activity. He was taken by life-flight helicopter to Mercy Hospital , where he remains in critical condition. Police suspect Mr. Lucky, who has a reputation for playfully taunting people interested in obtaining Lucky Charms, only to deny them an opportunity to consume the sugary-sweet, toasted oat and marshmallow concoction at the last possible moment, ran afoul of the wrong crowd. “Kids today are always after their lucky charms,” said Commander Gwen Elliott, head of the Task Force on Leprechaun Violence. “And they’ll do whatever they have to do, even beating someone to death, to get their hands on them.”
Many local Irish American fraternal organizations are asking police to treat the incident as a hate crime. Mike Loftus, President of the Ancient Order of Parade-Goers, said “the attack on Lucky is a reminder that the grim struggle against anti-Irish sentiments in our society remains as intractable today as it did in the days of Horace Greeley and the Nativist Party.”
