HITLER ATTENDS VON TRAPP FAMILY CONCERT, LEAVES BEFORE ENCORE TO BEAT TRAFFIC
(Vienna) - Adolph Hitler, Supreme Leader of the German people, was in town last night to attend a concert by The Von Trapp Family Singers. The Fuehrer mingled backstage with Captain Von Trapp and his new wife, Maria, before taking a seat front row center at the Klink Civic Center to enjoy the wholesome, Aryan melodies of Austria ’s newest teen song stylists. He was observed clapping his hands in rhythm with the music, as the Von Trapps performed all of their fabulous hits. At one point, ushers were summoned by annoyed patrons who requested that he tone down his behavior.
“He just kept shouting ‘Sing Lonely Goatherd! Sing So Long Farewell!’ He was really starting to get on peoples nerves,” said one usher, who wished to remain anonymous.
According to our sources, Mr. Hitler appeared smitten by the Captain’s bride. Prior to the show, he was overheard asking her if she wanted him to “destroy those nuns who gave you such a hard time.” Mrs. Von Trapp is a former novice at a local convent. She abandoned her vocation after falling in love with the dashing Mr. Von Trapp and his adorable children. Mrs.Von Trapp declined the Fuehrer’s offer, but reportedly dropped hints that she “wouldn’t mind having a couple of storm troopers pay a visit to the Mother Abbess and rough her up a little.” A publicist for the Von Trapp family said neither the Captain nor his wife would comment on their discussions with Mr. Hitler.