PRESIDENT BUSH GIVES AWAY DAUGHTER, CHENEYCRAWFORD, TEXAS - President Bush proudly gave away his daughter Jenna at her wedding to Henry Hager, 30, yesterday and then turned unexpectedly and called for Vice President Dick Cheney to come forward. "Dick," the Presdient said excitedly, "I'm giving you away, too." A startled Cheney stood next to Jenna throughout the remainder of the ceremony. After the wedding reception attended by 200 guests, Cheney accompanied Jenna and her new husband on their honeymoon to Wildwood, New Jersey. Cheney told reporters he planned to show the young couple his "weapon of mass destruction" on the wedding night.
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REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT, PRESIDING AT BUSH WEDDING, CALLS ON GOD TO DAMN THE MARRIAGE
CRAWFORD, TEXAS - Rev. Jeremiah Wright, presiding at the wedding of first daughter Jenna Bush, was criticized for what many called a racially and politically charged wedding sermon. Later Wright verbally attacked reporters for taking comments in the sermon "out of context." He did not, however, deny calling upon Jenna to "bed him" in order to atone for the "lack of diversity" in her selection of a husband.
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JENNA'S WEDDING GOWN SHOCKER
First daughter says Monica Lewinsky dress fulfilled wedding tradition: "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something semen-stained"
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BUSH MISTAKES JENNA'S BRIDAL BOUQUET TOSS AS AL QAEDA ATTACK ON TEXAS
CRAWFORD, TEXAS - President Bush mistook his daughter's bridal bouquet toss at her wedding on Saturday as a terrorist attack on Crawford. "Hit the deck! It's al Qaeda!" the President cried, as terrified wedding guests threw themselves to the ground. Mr. Bush immediately ordered groom Henry Hager arrested and taken to Guantanamo Bay for questioning. The President smirked to other wedding guests that unless Hager tells interrogators what they want to hear, "he'll be spending his wedding night with sex-crazed evildoers."
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JENNA PICKS 'POP GOES THE WEASEL' FOR FATHER-DAUGHTER DANCE
Jenna Bush picked the delightful children's song "Pop Goes the Weasel" for the father-daughter dance with President Bush at her wedding reception Saturday night in Texas, according to persons who attended the wedding. The President reportedly was not happy with the selection because, he said, he "never understood the words."
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HENRY HAGER SEEKS ANNULMENT
"I thought I was marrying the sister!"
"I thought I was marrying the sister!"
