MYANMAR JUNTA DIVERTS DISASTER RELIEF TO PITTSBURGH PIRATES

Pirates earmark relief monies for player development

YANGON, Myanmar - Myanmar's ruling junta ordered all of the relief monies and supplies that this cyclone ravaged country has received from around the world to be piled up in a giant warehouse and transported to the Pittsburgh Pirates "where they are most needed," said Gen. Than Shwe.

Gen. Shwe explained "this is a humanitarian issue of epic proportions. The Burmese people have only lived with our present catastrophe for less than two weeks. In contrast, the people of Pittsburgh, USA, have been suffering with theirs for 16 years."

Pirates owner Bob Nutting promised to earmark the foreign aid for player development but declined to say whether he would open the team's books to prove it.