New York Times "Best Seller" Even Though Only 17 Copies Were Sold

 

MEDICAL MYSTERY: FIVE YEARS AFTER PELOSI RIPPED UP TRUMP'S SPEECH, HER HANDS ARE STILL COVERED WITH PAPER CUTS

 

'WIZARD OF OZ' DIRECTOR'S CUT: DOROTHY MEETS FOUR CHARACTERS ON YELLOW BRICK ROAD: LION, TIN MAN, SCARECROW, AND MITCH

 

KING CHARLES STILL 'PISSED' THAT HIS SCENE WAS CUT FROM 'PULP FICTION'

Quentin Tarantino: Test audiences "weren't buying him" as a drug lord, so Ving Rhames replaced him.

Trump Gives Capitol A Makeover

 

TRUMP SAYS HE'S FOUND AN ORGANIZATION THAT CAN MAKE THE $37 TRILLION NATIONAL DEBT 'DISAPPEAR'

 

TRUMP DEMONSTRATES 'THE ART OF THE DEAL' TO BRING ZELENSKY TO NEGOTIATING TABLE

White House Correspondents' Association Plots Next Move After Trump Opens Up Press Conferences to New Media

 

TRUMP BERATES 'LOW ENERGY CHICKENS—THE WORST CHICKENS EVER'—ABOUT THEIR EGG PRODUCTIVITY

 

RFK, Jr. Bathes in Beef Tallow

 

PUTIN TAPPED TO BE THE NEXT JAMES BOND VILLAIN

 

LUNAR ROVER LEFT ON MOON IN 1972 IS COVERED WITH PARKING TICKETS

BROWNSVILLE, Texas -- A SpaceX lunar flyby released a photo taken last week showing that the Lunar Rover, abandoned on the moon’s surface in 1972 by Apollo 17 astronauts, is covered with parking tickets. 

President Trump said that he is “very disappointed” that the Apollo astronauts apparently left the vehicle, nicknamed “moon buggy,” in a “No Parking” zone before leaving the moon’s surface. 

“We need to get someone back to the moon to move that vehicle before it’s towed,” Trump explained. 

"The United States of America will not be known throughout the galaxy as a parking scofflaw.”

Intercourse, Pennsylvania Modernizes Prim and Proper Image By Changing Name to F*ck, Pennsylvania

SOMETIME OVERNIGHT, TRUMP'S SIGNATURE WAS ADDED TO DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

 

FLASHBACK: MOUNT RUSHMORE BEFORE THE SURGEON GENERAL FORCED REMOVAL OF THE CIGARS

 

Lindsey Graham: "I swear, Mr. President, this is Zelensky--and he just profusely apologized to you'

 

'DAYLIGHT SAVINGS' MIX-UP: ATOMIC SCIENTISTS PUSH HANDS OF 'DOOMSDAY CLOCK' PAST MIDNIGHT, WORLD IS DESTROYED

FLASHBACK: BRUCE WILLIS CLASSIC ORIGINALLY HAD CONTROVERSIAL TITLE, HAD TO BE CHANGED

 

Abraham Zapruder lured out of retirement to film Oreo commercial

DALLAS - Abraham Zapruder, the Dallas women's clothing manufacturer whose home movie of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963 is the only complete visual record of the crime, is coming out of retirement to film a commercial for the popular Oreo sandwich cookie.

MUSK FACT-CHECKED: 300-YEAR-OLD AMERICAN SPOTTED LEAVING SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE

VINDICTIVE MAGA PRIEST ADMINISTERS ASHES TO JOE BIDEN

 

Breaking News from Kitty Hawk

 

INSIDERS REVEAL WHAT LED TO OVAL OFFICE BLOW-UP LAST WEEK: TRUMP SQUIRTED MUSTARD ON ZELENSKY'S FACE

 

ADRIEN BRODY IN 19th HOUR OF OSCAR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

 

ZELINSKY GOES TO PLAN 'B' TO FUND HIS WAR

 

TRUMP MAKES ENGLISH OFFICAL U.S. LANGUAGE; CHIPOTLE CHANGES NAME TO 'SMOKED CHILI PEPPER'

TRUMP TAKES ZELINSKYY OUT IN ROWBOAT WITH FREDO

 

TRUMP SETS CONDITIONS FOR MEETING WITH UKRAINE PRESIDENT ZELENSKYY AGAIN

 

STUDY FINDS: THAT'S NOT 'ALL SHE WROTE'

Scientists have debunked the idiom “that’s all she wrote” by proving that she wrote more.

“The research really shocked us,” said Dr. Noah Swayne, who headed the five-year study at a cost to taxpayers of $18 million. 

President Trump plans to sign an executive order next week to alter the idiom to read "she wrote too much.”

Ukrainian President Zelenskyy Delivers ‘Rare Earth Minerals’ to Trump, Tells Him They Are ‘Magically Delicious'

EPSTEIN FILES RELEASED: LIST OF CELEBS WITH CONNECTION TO JEFFREY EPSTEIN A 'WHO'S WHO' OF AMERICANA

Mr. Flintstone's agent Moses Horwitz reminds readers that inclusion in the Epstein documents does not imply wrongdoing--many of those listed had only a passing connection with Mr. Epstein.

TRUMP WELCOMES BRITISH PRIME MINISTER KEIR STARMER

TRUMP RETHINKS GETTING RID OF THE PENNY, HAS ANOTHER IDEA

 

WALMART, BIDEN AGREE TO AMICABLY PART WAYS AFTER JUST THREE WEEKS: EX-PRESIDENT GAVE THE WRONG CHANGE 'ONE TIME TOO MANY'

 

A DETAIL OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY THAT NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL TODAY: LADY LIBERTY IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE

 

RARE PHOTO STUNS HISTORIANS: LINCOLN SNACKED ON COTTON CANDY WHILE DELIVERING THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS

 

ARCHEOLOGISTS LOCATE NOAH'S ARK, REPORT THAT IT HAD A SHUFFLEBOARD COURT

 

AMAZING TRIVIA: FDR NEEDED A WHEELCHAIR--EXCEPT WHEN HE WALKED A TIGHTROPE

 

KAMALA HARRIS SAYS SHE'S 'BACK HOME'

 

POPE STILL CRITICAL, BUT MANAGED TO BOWL A FEW FRAMES THIS AFTERNOON

 

IN TIMES OF NATIONAL TURMOIL, THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL STATUE IS SPOTTED LIGHTING UP A CIGARETTE

 

UKRAINE CAVES TO TRUMP'S DEMAND FOR RARE EARTH MINERALS AND THE RUBY SLIPPERS THAT ONCE BELONGED TO THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST

 

TRUMP DOES CONCERT AT THE KENNEDY CENTER HE NOW HEADS

Before the President went on stage, a surprised reporter asked, "Do you play the piano?" Trump responded: "I don't know. I never tried."

KAMALA HARRIS REVEALS WHY DEMOCRATS LOST: 'TIM WALZ IS A VAMPIRE!'

 

DOCTORS PERPLEXED: WHAT CAUSED POPE TO SUFFER SETBACK?

 

SEN. FETTERMAN JOINS HIS OLD CASTMATES FOR 'ADDAMS FAMILY' REUNION SPECIAL

 

SCIENTIST REFUTES CLAIMS THAT IT WOULD BE 'BETTER' IF OUR SKIN WAS MADE OF SPONGELIKE MATERIAL

COMMENTARY: DR. NOAH SWAYNE, SCIENTIST  

It is disheartening to constantly hear otherwise learned and sensible people bemoan the fact that our skin is not made of sponge or sponge-like material. 

While wishing our bodies were covered with sponge instead of skin might be the "cool," "trendy" thing, it would pose untold dangers. I say this from a SCIENTIFIC perspective as a SCIENTIST.

Let me explain the SCIENCE: In a heavy rain, our bodies would absorb so much water that our weight would NEARLY DOUBLE. We would collapse to the floor in a massive, wet puddle due to this added weight. It would be almost impossible for us to walk to the tobacco shop or jump on the trampoline. We would need to get a (dried out!) friend to SQUEEZE the water out of us (a painful process--I can attest!) just so we could stand up and walk around the room! Getting a shower every morning would be a SHOWER NIGHTMARE!

So, the next time someone says that it would be "BETTER" if our bodies were covered with sponge or sponge-like material instead of skin, just point out these simple SCIENTIFIC facts!

 

IN WHITE HOUSE BASEMENT, TRUMP FINDS BIDEN READING FROM TELEPROMPTER IN HIS FAKE OVAL OFFICE

Source: Joe "thinks he's still president."