INDIANAPOLIS - Mayor Bart Peterson issued an executive order this morning to Indianapolis law enforcement officials allowing them to "shoot on sight" anyone caught selling playoff tickets for this Sunday's divisional playoff game to Steelers fans. At a press conference this morning at City Hall, Mayor Peterson explained the order this way: "To sell your ticket to a fan from a visiting team is an act of treason, and should be punished accordingly. They did it to our people last year in Foxboro."
Peterson was referring to the actions of New England Patriot officials, who impaled several Colts fans on spikes and placed the bodies in front of their stadium prior to the 2005 Divisional Playoff game between the two teams. The corpses were intended to serve as a warning to those who dared to cheer against the home team.
Peterson said he has been assured by the Indianapolis Chief of Police and the Office of Chief Legal Counsel for the National Football League that he is within his rights to issue such an order. "The importance of this game transcends matters of life and death," said Peterson.
In a related matter, Mayor Peterson has made a good-natured wager with Pittsburgh Mayor Bob O'Connor on the outcome of Sunday's game. "When we win, I get to have my way with his wife for a night," said Peterson. Peterson refused to reveal what he promised O'Connor. "She's got more to worry about than I do," he quipped.
