WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former astronaut Neil Armstrong, the first person to walk on the moon, broke into the National Air and Space Museum at the Smithsonian Institute last night with help from old colleagues and stole theApollo Eleven space capsule, blasting through the roof of the building with the intention of returning to the Moon. Armstrong apparently rigged some home-made rockets to the bottom of the capsule to power it. Via radio transmission, the Ohio native and long-time Steeler fan told NASA engineers at Cape Canaveral that he intends to replace the United States flag he planted in 1969 with a Terrible Towel.
Smithsonian officials were initially baffled at how Armstrong was able to launch his old spacecraft, but a review of his personnel file in the NASA Human Resources Department provided the answer. Speaking to reporters at the White House, President Bush explained: "Apparently, Mr. Armstrong violated standard astronaut check-out procedure by either failing to return his set of keys to the capsule before punching out on his last shift, or by having a duplicate set made." The President assured reporters that his administration was taking appropriate action to ensure that a situation like this does not occur again. "Federal agents are being sent to the homes of all living astronauts and former astronauts to collect all keys to NASA spacecraft in their possession."
The President also said that he was baffled by Armstrong's behavior. Armstrong's wife, however, told reporters gathered in the front yard of her Ohio home that her husband claimed to see the face of Jerome Bettis in the Sea of Tranquility through his telescope several weeks ago. "It's haunted him ever since," she explained. "Neil told me that the least he could do was to give 'The Bus' an appropriate tribute before the Super Bowl this Sunday."
