NEW YORK - Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, "fed up with the black eye" baseball has been getting the past several months from renewed allegations about steroids usage, is "cleaning house" to spruce up the game's badly tarnished image. His first target is an unlikely one. Selig announced today that he has banned from baseball for life 21-year old Justin Farber of the Altoona Curve, a double "A" minor leauge club, "for his repeated and unseemly habit of publicly picking his nose in major and minor league facilities." Selig explained in a written statement: "My decision with respect to the nose picker, as difficult as it was, will go a long way toward healing the wounds baseball has suffered these past months." Selig was asked why he chose to single out this particular habit when no steroid user has been similarly banned. He explained: "In most respects, Mr. Farber's misconduct is more serious than steroid usage because it was done publicly, in front of children and families who have paid hard-earned money and who don't want to be subjected to this deplorable, vile activity." In contrast, Selig explained "steroid users do 'their thing' in private. In fact, if weren't for some over-zealous reporters, the fan would never know about it."
Selig said that his next target is "the big one" -- the crotch grabbers. "I expect that a large number of players will be targeted for that one."
