WASHINGTON - Faced with increasing casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan, compounded by a drop in recruitment levels, the Defense Department announced today it has returned Franco's Italian Army to active duty. Franco's Italian Army, an elite fighting and drinking unit, served with valor and distinction during the Oakland Raider wars of the 1970's. The Army was decommissioned following the Steelers' second Super Bowl victory in 1975. Except for a failed attempt at rescuing American embassy employees held during the Iranian hostage crisis in 1979, Franco's Italian Army hasn't seen action in over twenty-five years.Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld made the announcement at a news conference this morning. Speaking to reporters at the Pentagon, Rumsfeld said the situation in Iraq left him no choice.
"I regret to inform the soldiers of Franco's Army who are being summoned to active duty that we are unable to honor any requests for deferment."
Rumsfeld also warned members thinking of fleeing to Canada that they will be charged with desertion. "May I remind you," said the Secretary, "the penalty for desertion is forfeiting your Steelers season tickets, with a minimum of ten years before your name can be added to the waiting list."
All members of Franco's Italian Army receiving notice of "active" status from the Defense Department are asked to reassemble in the Heinz Field parking lot at 0600 tomorrow. Following six weeks of basic training, the men will deploy to Fallujah.
