PITTSBURGH - Pirates General Manager David Littlefield announced that the team has promoted promising twenty-five hundred year old rookie Moses to the major leagues. Moses is considered to be a key figure in Littlefield’s so-called “Forty-Year Plan” to rebuild the Pirates into a contender.
“This is the guy we need to lead us as we continue to wander aimlessly through the barren desert that is the National League Central Division,” said Littlefield.
Moses is expected to join the team in St. Louis tomorrow, after he parts the Mississippi River. Littlefield said he expected Moses would have an impact on the fortunes of the club, but tempered his remarks by asking fans to be patient. “Don’t expect miracles out of this kid right away.”
Moses was originally drafted by the New York Yankees, but was released when he refused to adhere to George Steinbrenner’s “no facial hair” policy. At the time, Moses explained his decision this way. “I answer to an even higher Boss.”
A scout from the Pirates Middle East division signed him to a minor league contract, where he put up excellent numbers in Lynchburg and Indianapolis. One Pirates official, who wished to remain anonymous, praised Littlefield’s decision. “This guy is going to be a plague on National League pitching.”
Manager Jim Tracy said he planned to play Moses at first base, as well as catcher. “No one has been able to run on this guy,” said Tracy . “He has a real thing about not letting people steal.”