PFIZER OUTBIDS DICKS’ SPORTING GOODS FOR MELLON HEADQUARTERS; BUILDING TO BE RENAMED VIAGRA TOWER
PITTSBURGH - Not long after Mellon CEO Robert Kelly was unable to stand firm in negotiations with Bank of New York to keep Mellon’s headquarters in Pittsburgh , the merger created some stiff competition for ownership of One Mellon Center. Mellon unleashed a press release earlier today revealing that pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, the manufacturer of the popular drug Viagra™ , had struck a deal to purchase the former Mellon headquarters. Pfizer will rename the building Viagra Tower as part of the move.Pfizer outbid locally based sporting goods chain Dicks’ Sporting Goods, which had also been courting Mellon to purchase the building. Mellon spokeswoman Chastity Towers said that negotiations fell flat when Dicks’ was apparently unable to raise the stakes quickly enough to match with Pfizer’s mammoth offer.
JACK KEVORKIAN TO JOIN STEELERS' COACHING STAFF AFTER PAROLE
FAMED PATHOLOGIST TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR "PROBLEM PLAYERS"
EDITORIAL: POOR PEOPLE OF THE HILL DISTRICT NEED A CASINO MORE THAN ANYONE
This news source has long taken the position that legalized gambling is the answer to virtually all of our civic problems. If given the choice between Mellon Bank and a slots parlor, the latter would win out every time for reasons beyond the scope of this commentary. But until now, this news source has not taken sides as to which casino should be awarded Pittsburgh's lone gaming license because the considerable weight of our opinion is likely to have a disproportionate impact on any decision by the Gaming Commision. Recent comments by some well-meaning but woefully misguided Hill District ministers, who think having a casino in the Hill somehow would be a "bad" thing, have forced us out of the shadows to endorse Isle of Capri precisely because it is the only company looking to put a casino on the Hill. Note that the reasons compelling this endorsement have nothing to do with whether the Penguins should be given a new arena. We have long taken the position that, like spitting and public urination, hockey should only occur out-of-doors. Thus, the best venue for the Pens is, of course, PNC Park since no other professional sports team plays there.
Of the three locations under consideration, Station Square, the Hill or the North Shore, where would a casino do the most good? The answer is obvious: it's where the most disadvantaged live, the Hill.
You see, poor people, the economically and politically disenfranchised, need a casino more than anyone else. Despite all the hand-wringing of the liberal, egghead do-gooders, is there any place other than a casino where, without time-consuming education, without hard work, and without any capital investment, poor people can take what little money they have, invest it in a slot machine, and possibly be catapulted to the ranks of the wealthy with just one pull of the one-armed bandit? The question scarcely survives its statement. Let us be honest: The reason the eggheads are fearful of casinos is that they don't want "those people" to get rich and move into their neighborhoods.
What is the do-gooders' argument to refute this logic? For one thing, they claim gambling addiction afflicts poor people to a greater extent than the affluent. To this I say, so what? A gambling addiction simply means a person plays the slots more; but if he plays more, that just means he has more chances to win, which is a good thing. This is self-evident.
Or am I missing something here?
EDGEWORTH BOROUGH POLICE INVESTIGATE NEGRO SIGHTING
PITTSBURGH - Edgeworth Borough police investigated multiple reports on Wednesday evening of a negro sighting by Edgeworth residents. Edgeworth’s 911 call center received the first call from an alarmed resident at 8:12 p.m., followed by three additional calls from other residents several minutes apart.
Borough police chief John English reported that the Borough police dispatched several officers in response to the report, but none of them were able to confirm the presence of a negro in the Borough. Borough resident Willard (“Trip”) Fitzpatrick III recalled a similar incident nearly 15 years ago in the Borough which resulted in the Edgeworth Club opening its doors to residents throughout the night until police could confirm that the crisis had ended.
Police are asking residents to keep doors locked and to be aware of unusual activity.
Borough police chief John English reported that the Borough police dispatched several officers in response to the report, but none of them were able to confirm the presence of a negro in the Borough. Borough resident Willard (“Trip”) Fitzpatrick III recalled a similar incident nearly 15 years ago in the Borough which resulted in the Edgeworth Club opening its doors to residents throughout the night until police could confirm that the crisis had ended.
Police are asking residents to keep doors locked and to be aware of unusual activity.
NFL PUNISHES PORTER FOR USE OF HOMOPHOBIC SLUR
FEARSOME STEELERS LINEBACKER REQUIRED TO SIT THROUGH MULTIPLE VIEWINGS OF ROCK HUDSON, DORIS DAY DVD COLLECTIONNEW YORK - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell met with Steelers linebacker Joey Porter at his Park Avenue office today to discuss Porter’s utterance of a profane term used to describe homosexuals following last Thursday night's Steelers game. Porter directed the term at Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow, Jr. in remarks made to a reporter.
Goodell and Porter met with representatives from ACT-UP, the North American Man-Boy Love Association, and the entire cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for nearly an hour before meeting with the press. Harvey Fierstein, speaking for the ad hoc committee of homosexual rights groups, pronounced himself satisfied with Porter’s explanation and subsequent apology. “Joey was just being Joey,” said Fierstein.
Commissioner Goodell, however, was far less forgiving. “Mr. Porter’s comments were a poor reflection on his team and our league,” said Goodell. “I want everybody to know that we do not condone insulting remarks directed at fruitcakes,” he said, before quickly adding, “And I’m not just saying that because it’s Christmas.” As part of his punishment, Porter will have to sit through repeated screenings of the film “Pillow Talk,” as well as multiple listenings of the newly remastered “Judy at Carnegie Hall” compact disc. Porter said he was prepared to do whatever was necessary to put this thing behind him. “If I have to wear a pink ribbon on my uniform for the last three games to show I’m serious about giving love to the gay community, that’s what I’ll do.”
TROY SMITH'S HEISMAN TROPHY BANNED FROM PLANE
THE HEISMAN IS EXPRESSLY LISTED ON THE FAA'S LIST OF FORBIDDEN ITEMS, ALONG WITH KNIVES AND SHAMPOOCOLUMBUS, Ohio - Marion Blakey, Administrator of the Federal Aviation Administration defended the decision to ban Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith's Heisman Trophy from a plane Tuesday. The trophy was shipped to Smith's home after airport security refused to allow it on board with Smith.
The Heisman Trophy is expressly included on the FAA's list of forbidden items, along with knives, ice picks and shampoo. Blakey explained the prohibition in a press conference. "I think you will all recall that Mohamed Atta al-Sayed, one of the 9-11 terrorists, was the 1997 winner of the Heisman Trophy for Penn State." Reporters exchanged confused glances, and one whispered to another, "That's not right." Blakey continued: "It is well-known that al-Sayed wielded the bronze trophy as an instrument of terror to bludgeon passengers on Flight 11 before he crashed it into the north tower of the World Trade Center. Moreover, we all know that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi won the Heisman for Alabama in 1993 and used the trophy to perform unspeakable acts of cruelty. The list goes on and on."
Blakey went to great lengths to note that the FAA has no reason to suspect Smith of being a terrorist "but," she looked around the room furtively, "you never know."
NEIGHBORHOOD OF MAKE BELIEVE RESIDENTS KEEPING FINGERS CROSSED OVER SLOTS LICENSE PROPOSAL
NEIGHBORHOOD OF MAKE BELIEVE - Despite intense competition from groups such as the Isle of Capri, Majestic Star and Forest City/Harrahs, King Friday the XIII said he was still confident his neighborhood would be awarded the only stand-alone slots parlor license in the Pittsburgh area. “My subjects and I believe this is going to be even bigger than the arrival of Purple Panda,” said the King, referring to the giant purple bear that came from outer space to take up residence in the neighborhood sometime in the mid-1970s. “I can’t think of a more appropriate place to generate revenue for all of that make-believe property tax relief the Governor keeps talking about,” he added. In preparation for what he described as “the inevitable,” King Friday issued an executive order to Handyman Negri, an itinerant jazz musician and employee of the Neighborhood Public Works Department, directing him to chop down the Neighborhood’s sole surviving tree. The tree now stands on the eventual site of the slots parlor. Residents of the tree, Ms. Henrietta Pussycat and Mr. X the Owl, expressed shock when informed of King Friday’s order. “Meow meow can’t be happening,” cried Ms. Pussycat. A glum Handyman Negri apologized to both of them before cutting loose with his chain saw. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m only following orders.” The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board is scheduled to announce the winners of the slots licenses on December 20th.
TV LAND TO BROADCAST REMASTERED GOMER PYLE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
RUBE MARINE SERENADES HO CHI MINH, VO NGUYEN GIAP, WITH RENDITION OF O HOLY NIGHT IN CRYSTAL-CLEAR SURROUND SOUND
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"Mayor Ravenstahl wants to build second arena next to original to simulate beautiful woman from the air."
"Pirates name George Romero new GM because of his proven track record for raising the dead."
"Miniature Railroad and Village to leave town unless city builds it new miniature sports facility."
"Pens retire Mario's athletic supporter, raise jock to rafters before home opener."
"Heinz scoreboard malfunctions, douses fans with 6,000 gallons of scalding ketchup."
And many more.
FORMER MAYOR MURPHY CHARGED WITH REVITALIZING MINIATURE RAILROAD AND VILLAGE
DEPARTMENT STORES ADDED TO EVERY BLOCK; UNNECESSARY MINIATURE SPORTS FACILITIES AND FIREHOUSES CROP UP EVERYWHERE
CONDOLEEZZA RICE CONSTIPATION REVEALED; SURGERY MAY BE NEEDED
President Bush discusses with reporters the extentof Secretary of State Rice’s colon blockage, while Rice looks on.
JUDGE PECKHAM TO ACCEPT PROPOSALS TO PURCHASE HIS DRIVEWAY
PITTSBURGH - Less than one week after Governor Rendell's announcement that he is accepting proposals from prospective purchasers of the Pennsylvania Turnpike, the founder of this Web site, the Honorable Rufus Peckham, announced that he will accept proposals for the purchase of his 200-foot long driveway in Pleasant Hills."Only the driveway's for sale," the Judge explained, "not the house." Any sale of the driveway would not effect Judge Peckham's rights of ingress and egress to his home since a perpetual easement over the driveway would be granted to the owner of the house.
The impetus for the idea, according to Judge Peckham, was cash: "For quite some time, I have been enduring a funding crisis with no feasible, comprehensive solution," the Judge explained. "But I figured that if I got, say, $10 billion for the driveway, that money would be put into interest-bearing investments. At an 8 percent rate, it would generate $800 million a year for my transportation and other household needs."
According to the Judge, the purchaser would be free to erect toll booths and sell advertising and franchising rights along the 200-foot stretch. "Of course," the Judge quickly noted, "I would be immune from any tolls."
PINOCHET'S CORPSE BITES MOURNER'S HAND
CADAVER'S CLENCH NOW IN FIFTH HOUR, AMPUTATION MAY BE NECESSARY
UPON HIS RETURN TO CALIFORNIA FROM MILL RUN, PA., BRAD PITT CONFIDES IN A FRIEND
"SHE DRAGGED ME OUT TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE TO LOOK AT REAL ESTATE. AND DUDE, NO WAY WOULD I EVER BUY THIS HOUSE SHE SHOWED ME -- IT'S GOT THE WORST WATER PROBLEM I'VE EVER SEEN."
RED WIGGLE ROBS BANK, REMAINS AT LARGE, POLICE COMPLAIN EXPLODING RED DYE PACK MADE ESCAPE "A CINCH"
SYDNEY, Australia - Murray Cook, the Red member of the Wiggles, is wanted in a series of bank robberies across Australia. Police say the exploding red dye pack that banks insert in stolen money is ineffective to stop him. "When the [dye] pack explodes," said Sydney Police Chief Michael Jeffery, "it's supposed to stain the robber and make him easy to spot. Obviously that doesn't work with the Red Wiggle." After one recent robbery in a Sydney suburb, the dye pack exploded seconds after Cook stepped outside the bank, spewing red dye on him. "But because Cook is the Red Wiggle," Chief Jeffery explained, "no one noticed." Cook continued to walk the streets and even signed autographs. Chief Jeffery said that the case has the police "seeing red."
NEW PENS OWNER JIM BALSILLIE IMPRESSED WITH FELLOW CANADIAN ROBERT KELLY'S LOYALTY TO PITTSBURGH, HIRES HIM AS SPECIAL CONSULTANT
WATERLOO, Ontario - Jim Balsillie, Chairman and co-CEO of Research in Motion of Waterloo, Ontario, whose company is close to completing its purchase of the Pittsburgh Penguins from the Mario Lemieux-led group of owners, has hired Mellon Financial Corporation's President, Chairman and CEO Robert P Kelly as his Special Arena Consultant ("SAC"). "I am very impressed by Bobby's ability to deal with regulators and community leaders in connection with Mellon's deal with Bank of New York," said Balsillie. "His unsurpassed loyalty to Pittsburgh will be a great asset to me as well. I am confident he will know just what to do when it comes to making sure Penguins end up in an appropriate venue. After all, Bobby is a fellow Canadian."Balsillie and Kelly fielded questions on Mark Madden's radio sports talk show. One caller bluntly asked whether the team would be relocated to Ontario. Kelly said that he would "fight to keep the Pens in Pittsburgh," but, he quickly added, "Canada is the hockey capital of the planet and it is difficult to argue with that." Another caller angrily said that Mr Kelly does not "know the difference between icing and an arena hole in ground," but Balsillie calmly dismissed the accusation. "What does that matter? With Bobby as my SAC, he'll have the Pens in a new arena as fast as you can say 'ill North wind.' In fact, my guess is he'll find us a venue where we won't have to move an ounce of dirt, except for the dust that we kick up as we leave Pittsburgh."
FLASHBACK TO 1973: JIMINY "UNCLE SAM" CRICKET DISCUSSES SALVADOR ALLENDE WITH GENERAL PINOCHET
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM, AUGUSTO. SURE, WE'RE ALL IN FAVOR OF DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED REGIMES AND ALL THAT -- WHEN THEY'RE ON OUR SIDE, THAT IS."
WIKIPEDIA POSTED PRECISE DETAILS OF AUGUSTO PINOCHET'S DEATH TWO DAYS BEFORE IT OCCURRED
NEW YORK - Wikipedia, the on-line encyclopedia "that anyone can edit," posted specific, accurate details regarding the death of Chilean former dictator Augusto Pinochet, 91, two days before it occurred, leading experts to opine that persons connected with Wikipedia may have had some involvement in his death. This is not the first time Wikipedia has posted an entry containing a high level of specificity about an event before it transpired. For example, it posted an entry on the poisoning death of Alexander Litvenenko by polonium-210 more than one full week before the ex-KGB agent was actually poisoned.
"The high incidence of such postings suggests more than mere happenstance," said Commander Bradleys Roadhouse of Scotland Yard. "The international intelligence community has long suspected that Wikipedia has had some involvement in numerous such incidents, perhaps dating to the Kennedy assassination." Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales defends such postings as merely reflective of the speed with which the encyclopedia reports up-to-the-minute, late-breaking events.
The Wikipedia entry on Pinochet, posted last Friday, December 8, stated: "On December 10, 2006, at 13:30 local time (16:30 GMT) he [Pinochet] was taken to the ICU. He died of heart failure and pulmonary edema, surrounded by family members, at the Military Hospital at 14:15 local time (17:15 UTC)." These details turned out to be precisely correct.
In addition, the encyclopedia has reported all of the Pittsburgh Steelers' losses this season before they occurred, but Commander Roadhouse discounts those entries as "proving nothing" because, he said, "anyone could have guessed those correctly."
BUSH SAYS NUCLEAR OPTION TO END IRAQ WAR IS "JUST CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK"
WASHINGTON - President Bush outlined his "new way forward" to end the Iraq war, and he cryptically referred to its centerpiece as a "nuclear way forward." The President opined that the use of atomic weapons "on selected targets" where sectarian violence is most pronounced in Iraq "is just crazy enough to work." He flashed a crooked smile and told reporters that he was "not at liberty" to elaborate on that statement, but noted that "what I'm about to do is something I should have done at the outset. Just fasten your seat belts and hang on," he smirked.
ANGEL ARRIVES TOO LATE TO STOP MR. POTTER FROM TAKING OVER, RELOCATING MELLON BUILDING AND LOAN
Clarence Oddbody, Angel Second Class, was sleeping off heavy dose of flaming rum punch
SNOWMAN WITH VOICE OF BURL IVES SUSPECTED OF COMMUNIST SYMPATHIES
QUESTIONED BY HOUSE UN-AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE; CONGRESSMEN DEMAND THREE-TIERED ICE BALL PROVIDE NAMES OF OTHER REDS AT NORTH POLE OR RISK EXECUTION BY HEAT LAMP
MARY CHENEY REVEALS THAT RUMSFELD WAS SPERM DONOR
Donald Rumsfeld, meeting with reporters this morning, explains details of Mary Cheney’s pregnancy (Reuters Photo)
JERRY LEWIS STAGES TELETHON IN MOSCOW TO STAMP OUT POLONIUM-210 POISONING
Depression, alcohol-related incidents soar among Russian telethon viewers unaccustomed to beloved clown’s penchant for creating maudlin moments
CLOTHES SOLD UNDER KATHY LEE GIFFORD LABEL ARE MADE IN NORTH POLE SWEAT SHOP
Indentured elves work in abysmal conditions, forced to sing for no pay
Senate approves Gates 95-2; Santorum casts NO vote
LAME DUCK SENATOR WAS ALSO LONE "NO" VOTE ON RESOLUTION TO CONGRATULATE GIRL SCOUTS
WASHINGTON - Ousted Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum yesterday cast 1 of only 2 “no” votes on the confirmation of Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense. Santorum then delivered a nearly hour long speech warning of the dangers of not confronting "Islamic fascism" and anti-American countries such as Venezuela , North Korea and Cuba. "How do those who deny this evil propose to save us from these people?” said Santorum. “By negotiating through the U.N. or directly with Iran? By firing Don Rumsfeld, [and] now getting rid of John Bolton? That's going to solve the problem?"
Later in the evening, Santorum was also the lone “no” vote on a Senate resolution passed 99-1 to extend congratulations to the Girl Scouts of America on reaching its 96th anniversary. In Santorum’s wee-hours speech in front of an empty Senate floor, he warned of the dangers of not eliminating the “cult of uniformed little girls who push their addictive sugar snacks on loyal Americans,” and who are indoctrinated to “leave their homes and their mothers in favor of other strange women who brainwash them into service for their cause.”
WASHINGTON - Ousted Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum yesterday cast 1 of only 2 “no” votes on the confirmation of Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense. Santorum then delivered a nearly hour long speech warning of the dangers of not confronting "Islamic fascism" and anti-American countries such as Venezuela , North Korea and Cuba. "How do those who deny this evil propose to save us from these people?” said Santorum. “By negotiating through the U.N. or directly with Iran? By firing Don Rumsfeld, [and] now getting rid of John Bolton? That's going to solve the problem?"Later in the evening, Santorum was also the lone “no” vote on a Senate resolution passed 99-1 to extend congratulations to the Girl Scouts of America on reaching its 96th anniversary. In Santorum’s wee-hours speech in front of an empty Senate floor, he warned of the dangers of not eliminating the “cult of uniformed little girls who push their addictive sugar snacks on loyal Americans,” and who are indoctrinated to “leave their homes and their mothers in favor of other strange women who brainwash them into service for their cause.”
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BUSH ASKS IRAQ STUDY GROUP TO TURN ATTENTION TO STEELERS, BIPARTISAN COMMISSION WILL EXPLORE WAYS TO GET THE BALL TO THE TIGHT END
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Calling the situation "grave and deteriorating," President Bush asked the members of the Iraq Study Group to prepare a report providing a blueprint for the Steelers to return to championship contention. President Bush said henceforth, the ten member panel would be known as The Steelers Study Group. "The current approach is not working," said the President. "The nation's beloved football team has hit rough waters. It must chart a new way forward." Bush said he hoped the report would be completed before tonight's Steelers home game against the Cleveland Browns. However, he cautioned that the findings of the Steelers Study Group, while charting a course back to the playoffs, may be difficult to implement. "There is no magic formula to solve the problems of this team," said the President.
Former Secretary of State James Baker, speaking for the group, accepted the President's request. "It is pretty clear that staying the course is no longer an option," said Baker. "In our opinion, that is no longer viable." Baker said the group would look at a variety of things, including, but not limited to, getting the ball into the hands of the tight end, improving the play of the special teams, setting a strict timetable for the withdrawal of the coach, and redeploying forces on the offensive line.
"We've given the President a strategy for victory in Iraq," said Baker. "Now we can concentrate on more important matters."
PRESIDENT SENDS SERGEANT JOE FRIDAY TO AFGHANISTAN TO TRAIN AFGHAN POLICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Only days after the release of a joint report by the Pentagon and the State Department criticizing the Afghan police as "incapable of performing routine police work," President Bush announced that he had sent special police envoy Joe Friday to the region in an attempt to turn things around. "Joe has my complete support," said President Bush. "I am certain he will bring the same tough approach to battling the Taliban that he brought to the fight against hippies, drug users, con artists and peaceniks." Friday, a fifty-three year veteran of the Los Angeles Police Department, was sent to Afghanistan several days prior to the official release of the report. He met with reporters via video conference. "This is the city," he began. "Kabul, Afghanistan." He then explained that he had been working the evening shift out of bunko division for the past forty-eight hours. "My partner's name is Hamid," he said. "I carry a badge."
When asked by James Glanz of the New York Times how he would improve the quality of work done by the Afghan police, Friday cast a knowing glance at his partner. Both men shook their heads in disgust. Then, Friday began. "Let me tell you one thing, you fresh punk," he said in a low growl. "When I'm through teaching these men how to walk without moving their arms, speak in terse, complete sentences, and never let a bad guy have the last word, the Afghan police will be the finest law enforcement organization in the world." Sergeant Friday said he would gladly meet with the press periodically to debrief them on the status of his mission. He promised to be candid. "The stories you will hear are true," he said. "However, on occasion, the names may be changed to protect the innocent."
SANTA RECALLS ALL PACKAGES OF POLONIUM 210 FROM HIS SLEIGH
WILL ASK AL QAEDA, OTHER TERRORIST GROUPS TO RESUBMIT WISH LISTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVE DEADLINE
Vatican archaeologists find Apostle Paul's tomb in Rome
WITH REMAINS, ARCHEOLOGISTS FIND UNOPENED LETTERS FROM PAUL TO ROMANS, CORINTHIANS MARKED: "RETURN TO SENDER, POSTAGE DUE"
MYSTERY SOLVED: B-25 BOMBER THAT CRASHED IN THE MON IN 1956 TURNS UP IN MINIATURE RIVER AT MINIATURE RAILROAD AND VILLAGE
PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh's most famous mystery was solved yesterday when a B-25 bomber that crashed into the Monongahela River in January 1956, then seemingly vanished, was pulled from the miniature river of Carnegie Science Center's Miniature Railroad and Village. For two weeks after the plane crashed fifty years ago, the Army Corps of Engineers searched in vain for it. Urban legends sprang up about secret government divers whisking the plane away in the dark of night. Rumors spread as to what the plane was carrying, running from nuclear weapons to Howard Hughes.
Yesterday morning, Adam Swayne, 9, was visiting the Miniature Railroad and Village when he spotted a piece of metal sticking up from the miniature river. Adam alerted a volunteer. It was quickly apparent that a full-sized plane was lodged in the water. A snagboat was brought in to dredge the river, and the long-missing B-25 was brought to the surface.
Ben Clark of the Carnegie Science Center was both delighted and saddened. "Mystery solved," said Clark. "But now all the magic is gone." A perplexed look shot across his face. "Of course, we have no idea how a full-sized plane ended up inside a three-inch deep river in the Miniature Village," he said.
BARRY BONDS MAKES CAMEO AT BASEBALL'S WINTER MEETINGS TO PROVE HE'S FIT TO PLAY
GIANTS' SLUGGER GROWS BREASTS WITHOUT STEROIDS
DEADLY POLONIUM 210 TRACED TO "GOWERS DRUGS" IN BEDFORD FALLS
DRUGGIST EMIL GOWER AND BUILDING AND LOAN EXEC GEORGE BAILEY PEDDLED LETHAL DOSES OF RADIOACTIVE METALLOID TO RUSSIAN UNDERWORLD
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